Exclaimation!!!

Been a while since i check my blog & my sweetie's blog. Quite surprise to see that she had been blogging daily. Just read thru her entries & discovered about some of the stuffs that had been bothering her... heh.. slow little me... pai seh sweetie. Really want to blog regularly as i know my sweetie yearns to see my entries. Now currently i'm at work - thus it's a company's workstation that i'm using now. Well i first wan to address some of the issues raised about the doubts and reasons for my actions - & to clarify my stand.

About the "Naggy Issue" ~ I, myself do seriously considered wanting to quit, tho i didn't show or tell but i really do. Firstly i'm aware of the health issues associated with smoking & myself had encounter some ill-effects. Then it's the increasely insane price to pay for a pack of cigarettes. And the smell, which i must apolgise for u having to endure... heh. Well if i could just snap my fingers & convert to a non-smoker in the next instance, how nice would that be. A habit that i had been used to for 6 years... the cold turkey, the reliance on the nicotine thats feeds me... the mentally urge that constantly reduce my determination to quit. You are not wrong to say i don't have the will-power, ya i can't quit it so cleanly nor so fast, i retained that memories back then because i didn't have the will-power or determination to get over it. I tried... heh... a lousy excuse i think... but we are always in a different situation comparing about things. I'm in the army, life then do proves a bit harder to embrace the future back then, to look forward to training, field camps, lonely nights, away from friends & home... sure there is friends in army too but they had that someone else who they chat to every night without fail who i envy. But it's finally done & over with already now. Quit smoking still need alot more effort on it... And i love u too sweetie!

"AND NO I DON'T THINK U R THE SAME AS HER OR NAGGY!"

"LaLaLaLa" is another issue that i would like to address. Happiness is subjective. What may seems unhappy to u might be another thing for me. I understand ur theory as well. I don't really know if i wan to live everyday with a smile. Moody days still will happen... i wan to live life with all it's bitterness, sweetness & spices - everything it has to offer, not only the good things that come along. Smile simply is not my solution to everything. Althought it's nice to embrace life with a smile, but then i think it's still subjective about the way life offers & your perception. Well, i think maybe along the way i do forget about that simple receipe about life. The bright side of life i just to think so, but the results are often the opposite. But that's life - i also want to be happy. But i won't denied my inner being who dwells on sorrow too. Sorrow can make life taste even better when happy. I don't really have that many happy things to focus on... haha... maybe that's why it didn't seems to work well on me. If there's 2 sides of a coin, would u really always only look on the happy side? it's another perception again. Some see 1 side, some choose the bad side, well some simply cannot get past that 1 side.. what i am u'll find out soon i think. I'm not always on the bad side k... It's doesn't mean i also have to always be on the happy side too...

Heart Wrenching Moment. A moment of truth. Something we all dread but that will come by... I have been thinking of it too lately... i happen to read "Tuesday with morrie". Seeing ah gong like this also hurts me quite abit. Seems to be skinnier than when i first saw him on the very first time. Life's short, years come & pass. Let's us all keep healthy k? U too sweetie, always falling sick.. must drink more water k and take care hor.. Heh... well that's all i guess, quite an amount of words. Heh, seems to be unfinished too, but no more words flow at this time... heh.. I love you Sweetie!